Nebraska’s state motto
The Good Life is a goal that I think all people would like to
achieve. No one wants to lead a life
highlighted by struggles and failures.
Of course we will all have trials and make mistakes, but there are ways
of improving our circumstances. God gave
us each a purpose and it isn’t to suffer, so we should use our hearts and our
brains for our own benefit
and for
that of others. I came to Kenya not with
the goal of fixing, changing or saving this place. It isn’t needed or wanted. Any change must come from within. I came to Kenya on a quest for
understanding. I came with little
expectations to meet, discover and learn about new people, their culture and
the factors that affect and influence their lives. On this journey, I’ve learned far more than I
could have imagined when I embarked.
I’ve learned simple things like how to cook ugali, how to mop the floor
with a rag, how pineapples grow, how tea gets to our lips, the tools for basic
conversations in two new languages, and how to take bucket baths. Apart from these things, I’ve also been
blessed to have learned profound lessons that I will carry with me as I
continue to go through life as well as deepened my belief in other life lessons. Some follow:
#1: On a rainy evening, while preparing supper over the fire, I was
asked if I knew how to make a cake. I
explained that I did (as I made cake many times in Germany), but that I could
not do it without an oven. They inquired
the process and which ingredients were needed, insisting that the lack of an
oven would not be an issue. They could
use a jiko and put a lid topped with coals over the sufuria (pot) to act as an oven.
“Can you make a cake for us?” they inquired again. “Yes,” I reaffirmed. I was then brought the ingredients I’d named:
sugar, eggs, flour, etc. and was told to prepare the batter. As I began estimating the proper ratio of
ingredients, the cup and spoon were taken from my hands and I was told, “That
is not the way to make a cake. You must
remove a lot of sugar like this.” I
watched as three cups of sugar and two kilograms of flour were dumped into the
sufuria before me. I felt frustrated and
upset wondering why I was asked for help, asked to do something and then told
that I was wrong. The process took a
long time and eventually the cake was finished.
It turned out to be okay, unlike any cake I’ve ever tasted and denser
than any I’ve ever eaten, nevertheless edible.
This and numerous other incidents taught me: People don’t always want your help/advice/input when they ask for
it. (They may have already closed
their mind although they are unable to admit this even to themselves). If
they don’t accept it (and their request was merely words or habit), don’t take
it personally or allow yourself to get frustrated, simply move on.
#2: Although I knew this before coming here, countless incidents have
reminded me and strengthened my belief that if we are to move forward, we must
learn to say, “I am responsible,” and take not try to push the blame on
others. At times when my pupils have
many incorrect answers on their assignments, I ask myself, “What is wrong with
my pupils?” But, then I must remember,
that perhaps I failed to give them enough examples or to find a route of
explanation that made sense to them. I
tire of listening to people constantly accusing and blaming others when they
can’t find something, when something is unclean or the outcome of a
task/project does not meet their expectations.
Do not blame others without
evidence. Take responsibility.
#3: A class six boy, was always snickering in class and covering his
mouth. I was a bit irritating to me, as
the teacher at the front of the room with that distraction. Sometimes he wasn’t in class for a few
days. He rarely received high marks on
his papers or exams. It would be easy to
assume that this boy was rude or lazy, or simply did not care to pay
attention. However; that would be
oversimplifying the issue and not looking at the situation. I was patient with the boy, although I heard
comments about him from some of the other students and teachers. It was only after a few months that he opened
up to me and I discovered that he had lost both of his parents by the age of
four, was living in a small mud hut, and would walk a long ways through the mud
each morning to school after doing many chores in his limited time outside of
school. I think his laughing was just a coping
mechanism, for an extremely troubled young man, trying not to let anyone know the
pain he sometimes feels. Don’t assume you know anything about a person before you take the time to really get to know the person.
#4: As I reflect on my life thus far, I realize that my life isn’t
really my story. It is the stories of
others intersecting with my own; others making marks on my life. The success of every person is the product of
support from others. I have many people
to thank for my accomplishments. I had a
grandma who was a great listener. I had
an aunt who gave me a gift—a poem entitled “If it is to be, it is up to me”—a
small gift but it meant a great deal to me as a junior high students and I
still cherish that poem. I have passed
it on to others. I had friends in
college who demonstrated the importance of generosity and relationships with
others. Because of those people and many
others, I was able to come to Kenya to listen to people when they needed
someone to listen, to encourage people when they need it, to give to others
without keeping track of the cost and expecting repayment, and to build
relationships. Many will never know of
their impact on my, just as I know I have merely planted seeds here and will
not have the opportunity to see them flourish.
A few pupils recently told me a few things that they learned from
me—things that surprised me. It hit me
that these sixth graders valued some of the lessons I didn’t even know I was
teaching them. We never know the extent of the ripple-effect of the kindness shown to
another person.
#5: It isn’t always easy to know someone’s true character, and since we
are ever-evolving, we are always becoming
ourselves. These months in Kenya
have been the best of my international travels.
Of course many factors played into this and there have been challenges,
but I think a big factor is experience in interacting with diverse groups of
people and in becoming me. The first
time I travelled internationally was to Slovakia as and English Teaching
Assistant and to help launch an outreach program at an orphanage. It was an overwhelming time of firsts: It was my first time in an airplane—let alone
in an airport, first time someplace where people spoke a language apart from
English, and my first time to discover that different cultures have different
values. A year later, I went to Germany
and having been fairly sheltered and not having had much confrontation with people
whose values and lifestyles conflicted with my own, I was lost. I did a lot of things that I would not do
again, mostly because I didn’t know who I was.
I was searching for myself. After
Slovakia and Germany, I continued to travel.
Peru. Germany. South Korea.
Now Kenya. In each of these
places I’ve met and interacted with a number of people. Some places are more comfortable for a person
than others, but I think one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned through
living in various places is: Be yourself
and spend time with people who let you do just that. Life is much simpler that way.
#6: There have been so many moments, when I’ve felt overwhelmed and didn’t
know how I would accomplish something. Unlike
the title of Chinua Achebe’s “Things fall apart,” I’d have to say, Things always come
together. When a task seems overwhelming, pray about it. Take it one step at a time. One moment at a time.
#7: Being a people-pleaser, I used to be unable to tell someone “no”
when they requested something of me. At
times when I wasn’t sure about responsibilities involved in a job I was asked
to do, I didn’t ask and I certainly didn’t offer suggestions. Here, in Kenya, I’ve had a lot of
responsibility placed on me and I’m thankful that I express my honest feelings
about various matters and requests. Although
I still at times don’t know whether communication problems are due to language
barriers or cultural misinterpretations, (and there have been plenty such instances),
I know I’ve been much happier and less stressed because I have learned to Say “no” when you don’t want (to do)
something, offer suggestions, ask questions and make requests. Self-expression is necessary for effective
communication and happiness. There
are plenty of other people who can try their abilities or use their talents,
when you feel like too much is being asked of you.
#8: Dealing with others can be challenging, especially when you want to
be of assistance, but do not necessarily know what would be the most help. I’ve learned that People usually tell you the truth if you are patient and listen very
carefully—not just with your ears, but with all of your senses. (Look into their eyes and see their
soul.) If you don’t listen with all of
your senses, you’ll hear what they think
you want to hear. Several teachers
had talked about their desire for the pupils to have books and I agreed that it
was good. The kids love any books that
they can get their hands on. I did listen to them and never made
suggestions. I asked them what they
thought would be of benefit to the school and waited nearly 3 months to get a
response from them. I approached the
school director
asking him for his opinion on what the school could
use and what he thought about books. He
said we should get books start a library.
Had I really listened, I would have known that the school director was
more interested in other things than in seeing that the children had a
functioning organized little library and could use the books. He has delayed on purchasing a lock for the
cupboard and does not seem to care about how well they are taken care of. Fortunately other teachers do care. I’m still learning to listen, but it is helping
me to become a better judge of people and of situations.
#9: As I go to board a matatu, I hear people speaking about me in
Kiswahili and Kalenjin, saying I only speak English and that I won’t be able to
sit in some uncomfortable position…this all because I am of European descent,
so am obviously a visitor. Neighbours
seem surprised when they see me sweeping, washing dishes or clothes or
cooking. “She can do work?!” I hear them
ask. Sometimes people make judgments about you based on your appearance
without taking the time to get to know you.
Don’t let that discourage you or make you bitter and cynical. It can
be frustrating, but then, what good is it to be annoyed. Some people will always judge a book by its
cover. They’ll miss out on a lot that
way.
#10: I disagree with caning, but people must be held accountable. I used other methods of dealing with pupils
who did not do their work, but being as that is the most accepted form of
punishment here, and parents cane their children at home, I understand why
teachers must take such actions. When you love someone you, you must show
them that you care (even when it’s not easy).
Show them that you expect something of them and that you believe they
can achieve it.
#11: I’d heard stories of others who had travelled to Africa, that they
were followed by children, but I hadn’t really understood. I was not prepared for the way that I would
be followed, gawked at, called to, and touched.
I was astonished by the reactions of children and adults alike when I
first arrived, but thought that their fascination with the muzungu would fade after a week.
Here I am 7 months later, and they are still just as fascinated. Each day as I walk out of the house, I hear
calls to Muzungu or to Chepchumindet. I am touched on the face, the hands, the neck,
and the hair, by people wanting to see if I feel the same. I am at times pinched, to see if I feel
pain. At times this can be frustrating
and I just want to hide myself away or scold someone. Yes, I am human. Sometimes I just want to feel like a normal
person. Then I remember that Your attitude has a huge impact on your
perspective. If you’re unhappy—change
the situation or your attitude. It
would be easy to refuse to greet anyone, to refuse to shake hands or smile, but
that would be unfair. I can’t make these
people less curious. It is better that I
just accept them the way they are and smile and laugh to myself about how funny
it is that they continue to be so intrigued.
#12: Entrusting someone with a little bit of
power, taking a chance on them and showing you believe in them can make all the
difference. People
were often complaining that the little girl was too playful and not serious or
responsible. They didn’t give her any
tasks that she might botch. She saw
this. I decided to take the risk and ask
her to do bigger things. She rose to the
challenge and never failed me. We
developed a friendship and she was always eager to help me out.
#13: Nothing is
permanent. Be generous and
flexible. Clothes
get stained. Papers get wet. Items may not be returned. The economy my plummet. Crops may be damaged by hail or animals. Homes may be burglarized. Share.
Time comes and goes. There is
often a ‘next time.’
#14: We can
never really know what we are capable of—good or bad—until confronted with
difficult situations. I saw both of these sides of myself during this time here. I am ashamed to admit, that after barely
escaping being clubbed by a drunk man, that when filing the police report, I
agreed to go along with the corrupt system and let the police beat the man
rather than returning to attend court (which could take months and several
sittings). On the other side, I didn’t
know that I would carry a dirty, terrified child some distance and comfort her
as she fled from an unknown danger and was shaking uncontrollably.
#15: Take time
for people. Make relationships your
focus. If
you take time for people, they will take time for you. Things don’t last, so don’t invest in
work. It’s the people you are there for
who will help you out when you need someone to lean on.
